I remember feeling that I was going to be going through this forever. I remember sleeping on that uncomfortable bed they had in Lj's room waiting to hear from the doctors. I remember his cry because he was hungry. I remember felling so helpless. My baby was crying and all that he wanted was to be held and eat. I wasn't allowed to give him what he wanted. I was so angry. I was angry at myself. I was thinking how I could let this happen. How could I have kept him safe inside me? After a while I realized that I couldn't. If the doctors didn't know what made him come early how could I.
WAITING FOR RESULTS:
Back in Lj's room he was still crying. He wanted to be held and was very hungry. An IV was place in his hand shortly after the probes were put in for fluids but nothing was given for nourishment. I was tired because I hadn't slept because of all the crying and my worry. A practioner came in after the room about 8:30am and removed the probes so that the results may be studied. Finally Lj could eat and I could wrap my arms around him. He and I both were very quiet during the next couple of hours. I would walk around his room with him and take him to look out of the window. The snow was beginning to melt and so was my heart because our eyes were locked on each other and I remember feeling that we have each other and we are going to make it. I had lost my appetite but I knew I had to eat because I was still breastfeeding. Lj was still gaining weight and then loosing a little. I couldn't be more stressed out.
RESULTS ARE IN:
During the afternoon hours Lj attending doctor came in. I remember him being so nice and patient. He explained to me that the contents in Lj stomach was coming back up into his esophagus instead of staying into his stomach. This alone interfered with his breathing and that’s why his apnea monitor kept going off. The doctor said that it could be happening because Lj was a preemie and he would grow out of it but for now he took Lj off of Zantac and gave him Prevacid. He wanted to give him Reglan but he and I felt that this medicine had too many side effects for me to allow Lj to take it. I wanted to try everything else possible first before letting him use Reglan. The doctor also said that Lj needed to one day see a specialist for oromotor skill therapy. Lj was still having Laryngeal Penetration which also contributes to the vomiting and breathing issues. The doctor said give it time and it will get better. Lj had to stay in the hospital for 2 more days. He needed his weight monitored and lab test done before releasing him to go home. He had to see a nutritionist while we were in the hospital to figure out how to adjust his feedings. He was placed on a higher calorie intake. I had to fortify my breast milk with a higher amount of Neosure in order for him to gain weight. He was still eating less than a regular baby. He was eating about 2.5-3oz of milk each feed. We had to stop using burp cloths for his vomiting to using cloth receiving blankets. He still had milk coming out of his nose with just about every vomiting episode but the Prevacid started to help a little. Once again I had to rely on time and patience to see if things would get better. On the last day of being back in the hospital Lj's NICU nurse Wendy came to see him. I was so happy to see her I hugged her and she went straight for her favorite patient. She washed her hands and she nuzzled him as if he was hers. For a minute I could sit and take a breath and the road to going home began again. To Be Continued........